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Dipping My Toes in the Dating Pool as a Single Mom

While also being on a two year healing journey of complete celibacy.

Journey of celibacy

For the past two years, I’ve been on a dedicated healing journey, embracing celibacy as part of my personal growth. My last article on this topic became the most viewed piece on the platform. It was also one of the most vulnerable pieces I’ve written, so thank you for showing me that stepping into vulnerability is both courageous and rewarding.

Many of you shared your personal journeys with me, and that genuine connection is the most thrilling part of putting myself out there. As a thank you, I’d like to share more about my ongoing healing journey as I venture back into the dating pool.

Healing and Celibacy

Over the past two years, celibacy has provided me with clarity on my patterns in love—how I love myself and the deep layers of conditioning around my ideas of love. I realized why I kept repeating certain patterns and where I needed to heal to prevent repetition. My views on pleasure and sex have completely changed as I prioritized my healing. This period away from sex was essential for gaining perspectives I might never have discovered otherwise.

Healing and Dating

Building a deep, loving, intimate bond with myself has been incredibly rewarding. However, to truly test these values of self-love, I needed to step out of my comfort zone and into the dating pool. While I've gained clarity on my patterns, the real challenge is breaking them in practice.

I was immediately humbled by the first toe dip into the puddle. Initially, I kept attracting men I'm all too familiar with: egocentric, unavailable, and unwilling to take any responsibility. The I want to ask you out types, but you need to plan it all. 

“If they cannot plan a date, then they cannot plan a future.”

In my last column about balancing the feminine & masculine while being a single mom I share more about how this affects patterns in love. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and deprogramming requires trial and error. One undeniable change, however, is my ability to spot red flags instantly. This is the power of self-love and healing and reflection.

self love woman

Dating and Solo Motherhood

A dear friend once comforted me by saying that single mothers develop the ultimate “bullshit filter.” This resonates with me because, as single moms, we’re already spread thin, and we don’t have time to waste on situationships. Finding time to date while craving time for myself is a challenge. But while I prioritize me-time, there's also no room for the “maybe’s.”

As I cautiously dip my toes back into the dating pool, I’ve also had a green flag date that gives me hope for the future. It suggests that I’m making progress in breaking toxic and unconscious patterns, while I’m also discovering what I truly desire. While it hasn’t been enough to end my celibacy, it’s a journey of positive growth to look forward to.


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